Thursday, February 25, 2016

Meme Career 4

I was going to make a joke about the new Facebook emoticons, but I think The Oatmeal did that pretty well.  The only one I'd add is:

Didn't you even think to check this BS out before posting?
Anyway, I'm tossing off (er, out?) a few more memes for you all to make viral (please!).

Friday, February 19, 2016

Shake Your Euphemism

I went to see Blue Man Group this week, and one of the highlights of the show was a song called Shake Your Euphemism.

If you don't want to watch the video, it's mostly a list of slang terms for your butt.  As the song goes on, it switches from slang into the totally weird.  Here's the lyrics.

Anyway, it got me thinking about my comedy training, and (long story short) I made up my own list.  My methodology was, mainly, to pick an area of study or life and co-opt a term.  Feel free to add your own in the comments below.



  • Large following
  • Wide load
  • Trailer hitches
  • Spanking targets
  • Stockpiled warheads
  • Arthur TwoSheds Jackson
  • Twin compost heaps
  • Natural geodesic domes
  • Pair of chutes
  • Super PACs
  • Occipital lobes
  • Back boobs
  • Kettle bells
  • Rear cup holder
  • Nature's pompons
  • Backward eyes
  • Wide receivers
  • Sitting asphyxiators
  • Back-end blockages
  • GOP think tanks
  • Absolute dating
  • Bering land bridges
  • Coal basin
Got a bit absurd and reduced to me going through realms of knowledge looking for terms that might apply ("Hm. I wonder if there's a funny term from high-energy particle physics..."), so I stopped.

Any of these make you laugh?

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Excuses, Excuses...

Preparing to leave California for Florida (theme parks ahoy!) I planned to do two blog posts ahead of time.  However:

  • The lesson I'm working on in my comedy book is less "write something funny" and more "transcribe something funny."  It didn't seem "postable."
  • The memes I created appear to still be on the hard disk of my computer at home and not on Dropbox.  I blame Dropbox's programmers.
  • After 18 hours at Magic Kingdom, I'm ready for a nap (dirt or otherwise).
And so, I leave you with the only funny thing I can think of at 12:37 in the morning (give or take three seconds).

We have a lot of people to schlep from place to place, so we got two giant vans.  Really one giant van and one enormous van.  While opening the rear doors of the latter, I noticed this lever.

Confused, I leaned forward to see what the logo was.

I stared at it for a long time before I realized what it meant.  If you pull this lever, a small child will be ejected onto the road.

Oh come on, that's funny, right? 


I told you I was tired.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Comedy Lesson 2.5

Part two of the assignment is to use one of several tools in the book to generate ten sketch ideas.  I'm going to go with the one where you create three columns: people, places, and props (or, as comedians call it, the PPP or the "creative raspberry").  Then you randomly combine them into sketch ideas.

Here goes:

Refrigerator repairman/woman
A jungle
Cheap magic trick
Living spark of electricity
The desert
Shy tourist
On a plane
Broken radio
Monster truck rally
Box of 18 plastic banana peels
Police officer
Crawlspace of a house
Circus tent
A scratched LP
Trunk of a car
Curtain rod

Okay, ten sketches:
  1. A giant who has been hiding in the trunk of a car for many years with only a copy of an 18th century girls' etiquette book to entertain himself.
  2. A zombie who repairs cars at a monster truck rally who can't get a radio to work (every time he changes the channel it advertises food, sending him into a frenzy).
  3. A soldier guarding a desert outpost complaining he was sent without sunblock while people are dropping bombs on him ("Yeah, I've got enough ammo, but I'm starting to freckle!").
  4. A shy tourist who was sent to vacation in the crawlspace under someone's house (he was too shy to point out the error) so he sits in a tiny chair, his head tilted to one side so he can fit under the floor and tries to enjoy it.
  5. A space police officer dumbfounded by a criminal who uses a cheap magic trick to confuse him.
  6. A living spark of electricity running wild in the electronics of an airplane radio and complaining about the stations.
  7. A refrigerator repairman in the jungle whose tools have accidentally been replaced with a box of 18 plastic banana peels.
  8. A demon comes to the circus and complains about the terrible seats (chair).
  9. A zombie magician (circus tent) who keeps trying to impress people with his cheap plastic magic trick.
  10. A giant airline pilot (airplane) who can't see out the window (curtain rod).

Hm.  Didn't use jungle or scratched LP.  Kinda had to force the curtain rod in there.  I suppose those things aren't particularly funny on their own.

Frankly, none of these seem all that funny.  I don't think my problem is an absence of funny premises (although it's nice to be able to come up with them).  I don't want to write comedy sketches. I want to be able to add comedy to my existing writing projects.

Maybe that's next week's lesson.