Interior: Suave Men's Haircare Products - Marketing Department conference room. The room is gloomy, with generic-grey bottles stacked on every surface.
Two junior Marketing Executives (#2 and #3) sit in chairs, slouched against the table. They're miserable, waiting for their boss, worried what might be coming.
Their boss (#1) enters in a barely-controlled fury.
Marketing Executive 1: Gentlemen, we have a problem in the men's hair division.
Marketing Executive 2: Egads, no!
Marketing Executive 3: What kind of problem?
Exec 1: Our competitor, Dove, has invented a new product line to steal our consumers. They invented shampoos with an undeniable appeal to the macho male demographic.
Exec 2: Egads, no!
Exec 3: What could possibly be more macho than our line of gentle, floral hair products?
Exec 1: They've invented shampoo with caffeine!
|Author's Note: No, really.|
Exec 2: Egads, n- Wait, what?
Exec 3: What does caffeine add to a shampoo?
Exec 1: Helps you wake up.
Exec 2: Do you drink it?
Exec 1: Drink shampoo? Don't be silly.
[Scribbles note: Ask R&D about drinkable shampoo]
Exec 2: Then how does it wake you up?
Exec 3: Maybe it only wakes up your scalp.
Exec 1: And they have a kind with menthol.
Exec 2: Like in the cigarettes?
Exec 3: Can you get lung cancer of the scalp?
Exec 1: If we want to compete, we need new ideas.
Exec 2: Egads, no!
Exec 3: Let me just type up my resignation letter.
[#3 turns to leave]
Exec 1: Don't panic, men. Think! What are macho men into?
Exec 2: Other macho men?
Exec 3: Macho women?
Exec 2: Cars!
Exec 3: Macho cars!
Exec 1: No, no. We need to appeal to their lifestyle. We need to appeal to what they think is their lifestyle!
Exec 2: You mean, living in the dirt and rolling their own cigarettes while firing cannons into the sky?
Exec 1: Exactly!
Exec 3: Not sure how you find time to wash your hair if you're living in the dirt, covered in gunpowder ash.
Exec 1: I think you have something there. Go on!
Exec 2: Who has time to wash and condition and style his hair every time it gets dirt on it?
Exec 1: Convenience shampoo! We'll combine shampoo and conditioner!
Exec 2: Er, we've already done that.
Exec 1: Good point. We need more convenience.
Exec 3: What's more convenient than shampoo and conditioner together?
Exec 2: What if we combined it with soap? Shampoo, conditioner, and "body wash." Then you could just pour the bottle over yourself and you're done.
Exec 3: Brilliant!
Exec 1: And next year, we can combine it with toothpaste! And cleaning fluid! And...
[Room explodes with creative energy, burning entire office building down.]