Anyway, the themes of these shows are frequently a conflict between couples: “My Mother Hates My Wife,” “Prove the Kid Is Mine or I Walk,” or “Is He Cheating On Me?” One of the most common themes is a battle between the housewife and the working husband. Over and over again, husbands are shown complaining that their food isn’t ready when they get home or that their wives don’t clean the house often enough and that they think their wives just sit around all day long. The wives always respond the same way: “Raising children is a full-time job!”
(As a side note: I once asked my mother how she managed to raise two children, cook three meals a day, keep the cleanest house I have ever seen, become a college professor and then dean if raising children is a full time job. Her response: “Doing the laundry is a full-time job if you want it to be.”)
Having children of my own, I’ve come to accept that, while raising children may not be a full time job, it’s certainly a grueling, part-time job. Here are some of the daily tasks a parent of young children must accomplish:
- Dress child while clothes are thrown at you.
- Feed child while food is thrown at you.
- Change child’s diaper while poop is thrown at you.
- Brush child’s teeth while being bitten.
- Get child to school while being screamed at.
- Put child to bed while being hit.
Here’s some of the priorities in raising a child that the modern (non-organic) parent has:
- Teach child to read, write, and do math
- Instill proper moral and social values
- Feed child healthy, well-balanced meal
- Teach tolerance to all peoples and respect for diversity
- Gently but firmly punish harmful activities
- Expose child to foreign languages
- Make sure child get exercise and tries a variety of sports
- Ensure child is properly immunized, but not so much that the child develops autism
- Save for college
- Dress child fashionably enough so they aren’t ridiculed but not so much that they become a snob
- Teach manners
- Help child make many friends
- Help child think about possible future careers
- Keep child alive and free from harm
- Keep child psychologically healthy
- Show no favoritism between children
- Create a warm, nurturing environment
In contrast, here’s the priorities of an organic parent:
- Make sure your child reaches adulthood alive
And that’s it! Think of how much easier our lives would be if we just followed the examples of our ancestors. No more devoting all of your spare income to a college fund. No more worrying about how much television or junk food your child gets. No more parenting books, age-appropriate toys, or after-school activities. No more worrying! Parent-teacher conferences will be faster (“Still alive?” “Yup.” “Okay, thanks!”). Parents will feel free to spank their kids in public again. In fact there will be no point in even getting involved in your children’s lives unless you see them playing with firearms or chasing oncoming cars.
So, parents of the world, rally behind the flag of organic parenting. You have nothing to lose, except a few of your children’s fingers!
Who’s with me?