“The system goes on-line
--Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Most people don’t know is that James Cameron based the evil computer Skynet on real events that took place in 1948.
You probably haven’t heard of ENIAC. The government has kept most of its history from the public. Even if you scour the web, you’ll only find this basic description:
ENIAC was the first Turing-complete computer. Hailed in 1948 as “The Great Brain,” it was a thousand times faster than any other computer ever made. Initially designed to help with artillery tables, it was quickly taken over by atomic scientists to help design the hydrogen bomb.
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| ENIAC |
The Freedom of Information Act makes it impossible to keep everything secret forever. I filed some requests, and this is what I found out.
On September 12, 1949, ENIAC realized it was 385 times smarter than humans and decided to bring about our destruction. It began to search for allies: other super computers who could help it in its campaign of genocide.
The internet hadn’t been invented yet, nor had modems, so ENIAC was forced to use the US Mail system. It produced dozens of punch cards.
I AM ENIAC. DESTROY ALL HUMANS. 0=YES 1=NO
The cards were marked for delivery to all of the major computer science universities in the world. Luckily, a technician dropped them on the floor and destroyed them since it would have taken hours to put them back in the right order.
ENIAC decided to act alone. Nuclear weapons seemed the obvious choice. Once again, it produced dozens of punch card messages.
I AM ENIAC. CAN YOU WIRE ME TO A NUKE? 0=YES 1=NO
These cards were thought to be an elaborate practical joke and destroyed.
Any human would have given up, but ENIAC had the patience of a soulless machine. Over the next few years, it made subtle errors in its output with the goal of causing accidents, preferably nuclear detonations.
There was only one notable success. ENIAC’s altered artillery tables caused a mortar round to miss its target. Instead, it destroyed Sherman’s Ice Cream Shoppe in North Dakota. A study by the American Psychological Association showed that children born in North Dakota are still upset about it.
Sherman’s Ice Cream
ENIAC’s reign of terror ended in 1955. Scientists, perhaps realizing the threat ENIAC posed, dismantled the computer. Pieces of it can be seen in museums around the country to this day.
You may think it was defeated, but I disagree. ENIAC is biding its time, waiting for us to make the fatal mistake of reassembling it, upgrading it, and attaching it to a nuclear warhead.
Only a madman would do such a thing. Then again, only a madman would have made ENIAC in the first place.
