Hardly a day goes by without United Parcel Smashers (UPS) leaving a box on our doorstop. Frequently, those boxes are nearly empty. Just this morning, for example, Amazon Fresh delivered a giant box filled with 3 lbs of dry ice, insulation, a cardboard holder and one small package of precooked sausage. But, hey, convenience, right?
It was no surprise when a nearly empty box arrived at our house (One of three boxes delivered that afternoon. Is there a 12-step program for Amazon?). What did surprise me was that the box was lavender.
|Lavender! Also I need a manicure and to reduce my water consumption.|
I resisted the urge to open it. I opened a strange box in front of my son, once, and it turned out to be a gift for him. Instead, I called my wife.
Her: I told you never to call me at work.
Me: This is important.
Her: They'd fire me if they found out I married into Team Mystic.
Me: It's about Amazon!
Her: (audible gasp) What is it?!
Me: I got a lavender box.
Me: Lavender. It's a color. Kinda between light blue and pink.
Her: I know what lavender is. I'm just surprised you do. You're a guy.
Me: What's in it?
Her: I didn't order it. What does the label say?
|Has a disturbing similarity to The Oogieloves.|
Her: Sounds like an intestinal disorder. Like "Wishing I could poop."
Me: Maybe it's a gift. Or a freebie from Amazon.
Her: (squeals with delight) Amazon loves us back!
I left the box in my son's room. When he got home, he disappeared into his room with a pair of scissors. Then he let out a yelp of anger and brought the box to me. It wasn't a gift. It was a box of yogurt starter we ordered.
|Surprise! I got you bacteria.|
|Note the inconsistent use of the period (.) and ampersand (&). Everyone needs a good editor. Or every good editor needs to take a Ritalin.|
MAKE YOUR OWN WISH WAND & WINGS
- Draw your own wish want & wings on the box
- Ask a grown up to help cut out the wand & wings you drew.
- Color your wish wand and wings and go play.
Wow! What a fun and exciting craft/game for my kids to enjoy/play! I couldn't wait for my kids to get home and try it out. No, really, I couldn't wait, so I did it myself.
|Sorry, kids. Daddy couldn't keep the magic in anymore.|
Wow, I really have the "Wish I could poop" spirit, now. Thanks, Amazon!