Saturday, July 2, 2016

Comedy Lessons: One Liners

I hate one-liners.  Hate them.  Can't figure out why they're funny.

Actually, wait, I can't figure out why anything is funny. Hence this blog.

Exercise 1: Rewrite one liners.
I found a website with one liners.  Let's see what I can do with them (mine are in bold).

  1. One morning I shot an elephant in my pants.  How he got in my pants, I'll never know.
    I'd love to get into her pants.  Just not while she's in them.
  2. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    I don't hate all your friends, just the ones I've met.
  3. Take my advice.  I'm not using it.
    I'd be glad to hear your thoughts, as soon as you start thinking.
  4. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
    I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I just had to sell it to pay the rent.
  5. Treat every day as if it will be your last.  One day, you'll be right.
    I'm not morbid. I'm finality-inclined.
Exercise 2: Write one liners about things you know about.
  1. You know what I liked best about my career as a technical writer?  No, seriously, does anyone know?  I have no idea.
  2. Making a video game is like baking a cake (if you got in the oven with it).
  3. Silicon Valley has some of the best parents in the country.  We hire them to care for our children.
  4. Writing isn't hard. Putting your computer back together after you threw it against the wall is hard.
  5. I'm not avoiding you. I just happen to be boarding up my doors and windows on the days you drop by.
Exercise 3: Write one liners about things you know nothing about.


  1. Astronauts are just like normal people, if normal people could keep from screaming whenever they're shot into space.
  2. It's not hard being a woman.  You just have to meet the expectations of every man on Earth.
  3. Just got my contract with Pandora! I only have to pay them ten cents when they play my songs.
  4. Only the bravest charge into battle. Everyone else makes it back alive.
  5. The crystal ball sees success in your future.  Did I say success?  Wrong word.  Failure. I meant to say crushing failure.

That wasn't too hard.  I think I'm used to short humor, as I post it on my twitter feed (@makagle).

This may be the most useful lesson so far.  I created this blog to come up with ways of adding humor to my writing.  Maybe I should just throw in one liners here and there.

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