Sunday, June 19, 2016

Adolescent Abnormal Shinobi Amphibians


So, last night I took my kids to see the second Ninja Turtles movie.  If you, for a moment, set aside the fact that the film is terrible, you can enjoy it a lot.

Had the same experience with this film.
However, I was disappointed with the humor.  There were moments when several, obvious jokes were calling out to be made, and the screenwriters let them pass by.

For example, Vernon Fenwick (the character played by Will Arnett) is given a key to the city for taking credit for the turtles' accomplishments.
I couldn't find a picture of him with the key around his neck, so I got this one of him being a douche.
When the turtles run into him, they (lamely) ridicule him, but never had the following exchange:
Donatello: So, does it do anything?
 Raphael: Yeah, does it let you open all the doors in New York, or something? 
Vernon: It's just decorative. 
Michelangelo: Maybe it lets you start the city and drive it away.
Then there's the scene where April O'Neil changes from being dressed like this

To this


All while walking through a crowded area without stopping. It's a cute scene (and far be it from me to complain about Megan Fox dressing sexily), but not once did anyone ask her
How did you take your pants off without anybody noticing?
Not once did we get the following exchange:
April: I'm twenty-nine.  And I owned you as a six year old.  So, you all have to be in your early twenties. You can drink and smoke and vote. Stop calling yourselves teenagers. 
Splinter: Young Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles doesn't sound as good.
Oh well.

By the way, thank you for creating a new female action hero.  There are so few.  Wonder Woman barely got any screen time.  Elektra is in a show too violent for young girls to watch.  And Black Widow had that whole controversy about her being on the Avengers poster in a "butt shot."

I mean, at least have Tony Stark in that pose, too.  On second thought, scratch that.
Kudos to Ms. Fox for giving girls a role model who isn't just there to show off her a-

Oh. Never mind.
As the end titles roll, they play the song from the old cartoon.  Which is fun, but why not give a shout out to the original comic books and older movies?  Why not make a joke about the best Ninja Turtles parody ever: The Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs?

Picasso! Warhol! Rockwell! Grandma Moses!
 Oh well.  At least there are plenty of burp and fart jokes.  Way to go Dave Green!

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