Friday, May 27, 2016

Security Protocols

I have the safest house in the world. Thieves avoid it.

I could open all my doors and windows, post an article in the news proclaiming I'd just bought the world's largest diamond and was leaving it on my couch, then yell "I'm going away for a year!"

And nobody would break in.


I don't have a security system.
I don't have guns.
I don't have a guard dog.
I don't even have particularly good locks on my doors.

How do I do it?

I buy Lego for my kids.

Here's how it works:

  1. You buy your kids a few Lego sets.
  2. They'll put them together from the instructions.  Get bored.  Take them apart.  
  3. Instead of putting the Lego away nicely, they'll just throw them on the ground.  You could put the Lego away yourself, but your kids need to learn to do that themselves.
  4. Repeat.

If your kids get bored of small, plastic toys, show them The Lego Movie to get them interested:

Or, you can just show them mine:

So, the cycle continues:

  1. Buy more Lego.
  2. Build more Lego.
  3. Break more Lego.
  4. Lose more Lego.

Eventually, you will reach Peak Lego Defense.  At PLD, your house looks like this:
This is my living room.  Seriously.

See that door back there?  Nobody comes through that door.  Nobody.

Here's what happened to the last guy who tried:

One downside, though.  Lego costs a heck of a lot more than a door lock.  Or a dog.  Or a security system.  Or a castle.

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