Wednesday, March 30, 2016

My Best Insult






I'm not all the good at insults.  Sure, I talk a good game (Get it? Insults are spoken! Get it?!), but I always seize up when insulted in person.  I'm just not that quick.  Five minutes later, I have a good comeback.

Enter the internet.  Every conversation is on threads.  All comments are a few minutes apart.  I'm suddenly 15% smarter than in person (and 30% sexier).

I'm also far more polite on the internet.  Insulting someone from the anonymity of the internet is like what we gamers call Spawn Camping; you can hurt a large number of people without any consequences to yourself.  
Spawn Camping. .. what game is that?

I never spawn camp.  Also, I never play multiplayer shooters.

I'm also polite because I'm waiting to use a comeback in response to an insult.  It's the online equivalent of a daisy-cutter bomb: 
Insulting a stranger from the safety of the internet is the act of a coward.

I don't know why you choose to act this way, perhaps it's the abuse heaped on you by the men who pay you for sexual favors.  Perhaps it's a genetic defect surfacing after generations of inbreeding.
Whatever the reason, I have no interest in talking to you anymore.

I don't know why this works so well.  Whatever the case, most of my attackers go silent, block me, or (at the very least) sputter for a few hours and then come back with something incoherent about being insulted by someone they insulted.

Feel free to use it yourself.  It's highly gratifying.

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