Sunday, March 20, 2016

GDC 2016 Booth Babe Report

Due to a shocking number of companies desperate for my time (or so I tell my children), I once again have little time to update this blog.  However, in the interest of keeping my rabid fans happy (or so I tell my children), I'll give you a quick update on the number of booth babes at this year's Game Developer's Conference.

There was 1.  Here she is, expressing how happy she is I deigned to take a picture with her.
"You're kinda cute for a game developer!"
She was there because of a game called Clash of Kings.  Their company was conspicuously frugal in how they set up their booth.

This picture doesn't even do it justice.
Yes.  Those are knights in armor preparing to have a sword fight.
Yes.  Those are full-sized mannequins of knights on either side.
Yes.  They built a fake castle with a carpet moat and field in front of it.
Yes.  There is a movie screen above it.
Yes.  Everyone at the conference got a Clash of Kings tote bag.

No.  I don't think the game is any good.  If you're putting that much money trying to advertise your game to geeks who make games, you're pretty desperate.

Now, if you want a good example of throwing money at geeks who make games, allow me to introduce you to the Destructoid party.  What's Destructoid?  That's an excellent question.

No, seriously, I have no idea what they are.  All I know is that they had a party.  The party looked like this:
This was the best picture I could get.
It was nearly pitch black.  The music was so loud it made my sternum vibrate.
It was packed with geeks who make games.

Oh, and they had a booth babe upstairs to greet everyone.  Now this is how you do a booth babe:
The eyes also light up in red.
I mean, I still don't know what Destructoid is, but I do know they're related to muscly guys wearing green robot heads.

So, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking "Oh, my GOD Matthew is so amazing!  I want to name all my children after him.  Also, does this mean the GDC is finally getting past its sexist roots?"

Well, yes and no.  Yes, you can name your children after me.  No, we're not past sexism.  Other than the women who told me about unwanted touching by men at the conference, there was a Microsoft party where dancers dressed as erotic schoolgirls.

Oh and there was a guy outside the Moscone Convention Center who said "Independent game developer party tonight!" and handed me this card:

Yup.  A strip club.
The battle rages on, friends.

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