Friday, January 8, 2016

New Year's Jelly Bean Jar

Every year I post silly New Year's Resolutions.  I have real resolutions as well, but fake ones are more fun.  Nobody expects you to travel around the world in a hot air balloon or get elected president.
Seriously, don't keep that resolution.
I've decided to do resolutions differently this year.  I've decided to write them all down.
Write down my New Year's Resolutions!
Yay!  I'm done.

Okay, fine, I'm not done.  Here's my real list:
Finish things
  • Novel
  • Audiobook
  • Games
Stop arguing with idiots online
Yay!  I'm done.

Of course, I'm going to fail at them all because they're too vague.  Let's try that again:
Work out three times a week 
Work on the new novel every day until it's uploaded. 
Finish the audiobook for the old novel 
Finish games  
Finish Kingdom of Adventure 
Convert Flash games to HTML 5  
Learn Clickteam Fusion 
Create Bubbleoids 
Instead of arguing online, think of all the time you could spend being outside, spending time with your kids, cleaning the toilet, cutting off your ears with a dull knife or any of the more enjoyable activities there are in the world
It's better, but it's more likely that, come December, I'll shrug my shoulders, and give up.

I need accountability.  I need a penalty.  I need something like the Marital Jelly Bean Jar
The Marital Jelly Bean Jar is a way of ruining marriages fun game you play with your spouse.  When you're married, get an empty jar.  Put a jelly bean in the jar every time you have sex.  On your first anniversary, start taking a jelly bean out every time you have sex.  On your second anniversary you get a divorce you find out how much your sex life has diminished and can plot how long it will be until you get a divorce how your relationship matures from passion to sad regret companionship.

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Resolutions Jelly Bean Jar.

Every time I fail to do a regular resolution, I write a minimum of two sentences about why I failed. 

Two complete sentences.  It's like High School for willpower.

Anyone else want to try this?  Anyone want to go back to High School?  Come on, High School was fun, right?  No?

What if I threw in cheerleaders?
"N-E-W-Y-E-A-R speeeells resolutions you're probably going to break!"
Good.  See you all in 2017.

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