Thursday, June 11, 2015

Hospital Color Codes

We all know hospitals use Code Blue for emergencies.  Some know Code Red means fire.  A few know Code Brown means "get housekeeping, someone had an accident."  However, it turns out there are several more secret codes.  Here's a list from one Bay Area hospital.

As you can tell, this list is woefully inadequate.  For example, a Code Gold means elopement.  But what if you're just marrying the wrong person?  What's the color for "your parents don't approve of the union?"

(My nurse friends are telling me elopement means "trying to run away."  They're also telling me I don't have any nurse friends.)

In any case, I have come up with a more comprehensive list of codes hospitals should implement immediately.

Indigo - Birthday party!
Teal - No clean scrubs
Chartreuse - Terrible taste in clothes
Cheetah - Needs to be restrained
Lion - Lies about medical history
Monkey - Excessive body hair/terrible odor
Platinum - Wealthy patron
Palladium - Radioactive/The Hulk
Romulan - Geek
Black - Shot by police officer
White - Into NASCAR
Delta - Obese
TARDIS - Has two hearts
Bright - Reads I Can Write Funny regularly
Did I miss anything?

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