Life is too short to re-watch a television show. Well, unless it's Sherlock.
If you're not familiar with the show, it's a British drama that modernizes Conan Doyle's famous mysteries. It's brilliantly written and popular enough to make Benedict Cumberbatch famous. I've been re-watching episodes of Sherlock over the past few weeks. It's good to distract myself from all the working out I do.
|Before and after pictures of me.|
INT. SHERLOCK AND JOHN'S FLAT - DAY SHERLOCK, churlish, stands looking out a window at the street below. WATSON sits in his chair, pretending to read the paper but secretly watching Sherlock. Finally, John can't take the tension anymore. JOHN Look, is this still about the scarf. Sherlock turns from the window, but says nothing. JOHN (CONT'D) I just moved it to a different hook. SHERLOCK I put my scarf there every night. JOHN I moved it three inches to the left. SHERLOCK "A place for every thing and everything in its place." JOHN Now you're quoting American ministers at me? You must be angry. SHERLOCK Sometimes even the Church gets things right. Sherlock crosses the room and sits in his chair. SHERLOCK (CONT'D) You're doing this one. JOHN What? SHERLOCK New client coming up the stairs. You're doing it this time. JOHN What? No. SHERLOCK "Stop showing off, Sherlock." "Nobody is impressed by your parlor tricks, Sherlock." JOHN Christ sake, I moved it one hook over. There's a knock at the door. SHERLOCK Come in. Chris, wrapped in a thick coat, hat, and gloves enters. He has a raspy, but high voice. CHRIS Mr. Holmes? (He nods.) I'm Chris Shenwick. I was wondering if you could help me. I have... I have a problem. SHERLOCK Do sit down. Chris opens his coat, revealing a large chest, but slight frame. SHERLOCK (CONT'D) No, stop. Don't remove your gloves or hat just yet. Please sit down and let my colleague Dr. Watson deduce what he can about you. JOHN Sherlock! Chris smiles. CHRIS Oh, I've heard about this. You're famous for figuring things out about a person by the way they sit and the like. SHERLOCK Yes, only I'm training my assistant in it. It's much like the animal trainer at a circus would teach a poodle to juggle, only instead of doggie treats I reward John by doing the washing up. JOHN You never do the washing up. SHERLOCK Which gives you some idea of how well it's going. John crosses his arms, angrily. CHRIS Oh, come on, please. I was looking forward to it. Sherlock waits. John gives in. JOHN (whispering to Sherlock as he gets up) You could have just moved it back! John walks over to Chris. He leans forward, examining his face closely, inhaling deeply. He steps back and tilts his head from side to side, looking at him one way and then another. Finally he backs up and sits down next to Sherlock. SHERLOCK Well? What do you observe? JOHN Chris is pale, has very little facial hair apart from a wispy moustache, and walks with a wide gait. His chest is unusually large, while the rest of him is slim. He smells of whiskey, which covers the faint aroma of perfume, a woman's perfume. SHERLOCK Good, good. So, what can you deduce? JOHN Chris hit puberty late. I'm guessing he's around 15. Judging from the wideness of his stance, and how much he works out his chest, I'm guessing- SHERLOCK Deducing. JOHN Deducing he's trying to act older, more masculine. It obviously works, as he was able to buy whiskey and, judging from the perfume, gain the attentions of a lady. Chris's eyes are wide with shock. Sherlock smiles thinly. SHERLOCK That's good. Very good. However, you completely missed the razor. JOHN Razor? (to Chris) You've got a knife? SHERLOCK No, Occam's Razor. It's a theoretical concept. In lay terms, it means "the simplest answer is usually correct." JOHN I don't- SHERLOCK Woman's perfume. Slightly wider hips. No facial hair. Miss Shenwick, would you mind removing your hat? JOHN Miss? Chris removes her hat, revealing a cascade of long, brown hair. JOHN (CONT'D) Oh. Oh my God. I am so... So sorry. Chris touches her upper lip self-consciously. CHRIS I didn't get around to waxing this week. SHERLOCK And that is why our dishes are so sparkly clean. JOHN Chris. Short for Christine. CHRIS (slightly pleased) You really think I'm slim with a big chest?