Friday, December 13, 2013

Upcoming Pixar Sequels

One of the things I liked about living in Northern California when I moved here from the midwest (other than the weather, the food, and the fact that your neighbors have IQs higher than library paste), was the proximity to Pixar.  I don't drive to Pixar every day or anything like that, but I know plenty of people who do, and they tend to leak things (and not the organic-tea scented stuff they usually leak).
I know the plot outlines of the next Pixar sequels.  Yup, following Pixar's success with...  Well, okay, everything, but they have a disturbing trend of trying to suck money out of old movies.  It turns out they're planning on making sequels of every. Single. Goddamn. Movie. They. Ever. Made.

Here's what my contacts in Pixar told me about:
Man, they need to hire better Photoshop artists at Pixar...
Incredibles 2: The Final VillainMr. Incredible is getting older and losing his powers.  He has to step aside to let his kids become the heroes the world needs.  There will be no fewer than six scenes where Mr. Incredbile's teeth fall out.

Bug's Life 2: Army AntsPixar has been accused too many times of trying to force liberal views on their audience.  This movie is certainly is not a political statement.  Flik's hive is taken over by (politically neutral) militant army ants who want to invade (politically neutral) other hives because they have oil. Not oil!  Unobtanium? No.  Spice!  No.  Er...

Wall-E 2: The New Job
Wall-E creates a new store and pays all the robot employees so little they end up selling their parts to survive.

Oh, come on.  You're eating food made by rats.  What do you expect?
Brave 2: Braverer
I honestly don't know what will happen in a sequel to Brave.  I do know, however, that it has to be about the witch who only does bears.  She was the only good part of that movie.

Up 2: Down
Enough said.

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