Friday, November 1, 2013

Obama Is the Worst President Ever


You may not realize it, but our current president (Obama, in case you missed it) is the worst president in US history.  No really!  No, REALLY!  NO!  REALLY!!  It seems by enacting Obamacare and refusing to negotiate with the GOP, he's destroyed our country in a way none of the other presidents managed.

However, this is a cause for rejoicing (No!  REALLY!) for three reasons:
1.      Future Contrast
The next president has to be better.  I mean, what are the chances that we have the worst president of all 43 and then the 44th was even worse?  That guy would have to force all women to have swastikas tattooed on their uteruses or sell our children for space aliens to eat or try to feed the hungry or something.

2.      Late-Night Ghost Stories
Imagine future spooky stories over the campfire.  It's late.  The fire sparkles in the eyes of your grandchildren as they wait for you to creep them out.
"Kids," you say, "I lived through two terms of President Obama, the worst president ever!"
They all gasp in horror and huddle close to each other.
"Really?" Little Billy says.  "Worse than Harrison, whose only achievement in office was to die?"
 
"Worse than Harrison!" you say, and they all gasp again.
"Did he try to rig the election?" Little Sally says.
"Er, no.  That was Nixon."
 
"Did he invite his cronies plunder the government like Harding and Grant?" Little Jamal says.
 
"Worse!"
"Did he let slavery expand like Taylor, Pierce, Buchanan and Fillmore?" Little Akira says.
 
"Worse!!!!"
The kids are whimpering with anticipation now.  Little Vijay raises his hand.
"What did Obama do, grandpa?  What did he do?"
You drop your voice to a low whisper.
"He tried to create a universal healthcare system to care for the millions of Americans who couldn't afford it."
"No!" they shriek.  "A government take-over?  Single Payer!?"
"Not really.  There was this patchwork of ideas that was stolen from the Republicans.  Then the GOP tried to stop it by shutting down the government but, get this, HE WOULDN'T COMPROMISE THE HEALTHCARE PLAN!!!"
You dry their tears of horror and put them to sleep, knowing they're be too scared to get up and bug you all night.
3.      I got a blog post out of it
      Hey, it's tough for me to even come up with one a week, now.

2 comments:

Solomon Poretsky said...

Kennedy rigged an election, too...

Matthew Kagle said...

Bull pucky. The GOP launched investigations and recounts in 11 states. They found nothing.

The Democrats launched investigations into Nixon. They found Liddy.