Friday, October 25, 2013

Rocket Power

I have a list of about 1300 blog topics I'd like to cover.  Some examples:
  • Vas Deferens Aren't a Metal Band
  • On Becoming a Vegetarian and Smelling Bad
  • The Ben Stein Paradox
So, why am I covering model rocketry instead?  Because I don't have fucking time to write my blog anymore!  You may have noticed I dropped from five posts a week to one claiming a busy schedule (but, in reality, my triplets entered half-day kindergarten and I just don't have time).  I figured I could pull off one post a week, barring any impediments.

This week's impediment comes to us from our good friends at the Cub Scouts.  Scouting is something I've only been recently involved in as I am neither morally straight nor will I do my duty to God.  (As I understand it, God watches me do my dookie, so it evens out.)  However, my kids' friends were in scouting, so they had to be.  I was volunteered to help out with rocket merit badges, so I helped one son make something called a "Blue Ninja."

I call it "Giant, Cold Phallus."
I figured one rocket was enough, but...  Well, as my other son is five ("and a HALF!"), he always needs to do what the big kids do.  One cold day, we drove to the nearest hobby store and got him a level 1 difficulty rocket kit.  Here are the steps to building a level-1 kit with a five ("and a HALF!") year old:
  1. Read instructions.
  2. Explain instructions to child.
  3. Watch child destroy parts of rocket, necessitating a return to the hobby store.
  4. Perform difficult part of task while child watches.
  5. Attempt to get child to do easy part of task.
  6. Repeat step 5.
  7. Finish rocket by yourself.
  8. Repeat step 3.
In the end, though, the rocket got built.  There were some difficulties that had to be overcome, though.  For example, how do you glue three fins onto a tube when one of them will end up pushing against the table and falling off?  Answer:
Lego drydock
 
How do you get a child to paint a smooth, round surface with acrylic paint without having to buy a new {house/child/wardrobe} afterwards?  Answer:
Hang it from the coat rack.


In the end, I'm assuming this was a worthwhile craft.  I'm also assuming the third-degree burns he'll get after launching the rockets tomorrow will only leave minimal scarring.

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