Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Skin Tags and Critical Thinking

Pop quiz: what is the greatest human invention?  Write your answer on a 3x5 card and turn it over so the other students don't see.  Ready?  Did you write:
  • FIRE
    You scare me.  See a therapist and keep away from matches.
  • MEDICINE
    You get minus a bajillion points.  All medicine has done is overpopulate the planet by saving the lives of people too stupid not to step on rusty nails.
  • THE WHEEL
    You're an idiot.  First of all, you need more than one wheel to do anything.  Second of all, we now have things called airplanes that make wheels look stupid.
Well, until their wheels break.

Speaking of airplanes, the correct answer was TVs ON AIRPLANES.  I've flown four times with children this month, and nothing is better than a TV pointed at your kids when they're strapped to a seat for six hours.

I usually pull out my laptop and goof off work during flights, but I glanced up and noticed an ad for something called "Tag Away."  Here's what I saw:



I've had tags and they freak me out enough to make me snip them off with cuticle nippers.  If there was a medicine to get rid of them, I would rush out and buy eight gallons.  However, after a moment I noticed something.  Did you catch it?  Here's a hint:

Did you catch it?  Here's another one:

See?  Let me make it clear:

It says "DRAMATIZATION."  Pop quiz: what does dramatization mean?  Write your answers down on the palm of your hand using a kitchen knife or straight razor.  Did you carve:
  • A PERFORMED PLAY
    Well, technically correct, but jeez did you cut all those words into your palm?
  • OW OW OW!
    Yeah, I can imagine that hurts.  Next time just say "Ow ow ow!" instead of carving it into your skin.
  • TOTAL BS
    Ding!  We have a winner!
This ad has shot after shot of before and after pictures and every single one of them has the word dramatization on it.  Why would they need to fake how the product worked?  Couldn't they find a single person it worked on and taken a picture?

No, they couldn't, because it doesn't work.  Tag Away is a homeopathic medicine.  Pop quiz: what does homeopathic mean?  Think real hard.  Did you guess:
  • BULLSHIT
    Correct!
  • LIES
    Yes!  Excellent work.
  • FAKE MEDICINE
    +infinity points.
See, you're learning.

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