Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Death of Traditional Marriage

Dear Conservative Women,

I know how hard things must be for you right now.  You can’t be assured of someday marrying a polite, well-groomed, well-dressed man who enjoys romantic comedies and redecorating the house.  Those guys are all going to marry other men (in disturbingly tasteful ceremonies).

In the good old days, heterosexual women held the trump card.


But over the years, gays were allowed to adopt and people became more tolerant.


Now, it’s not much of a card at all.


Your dating pool has shrunk to heterosexual guys.  You’ll have to marry a man who scratches himself in public, drinks too much, watches sports, fails to clean, forgets your anniversary, and (of course) ogles every single woman he meets.

There is one more avenue open to you.  No, you can’t revoke the laws.  No, you can’t change our culture back to homophobia.  You can, however, still find the perfect person to marry and live happily ever after.

You just have to marry a woman.

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