Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Morgan Freeman Never Cries


When I was a kid, I went to see a terrible movie called Superman III.  In it, Superman is exposed to a synthetic form of Kryptonite and turns into an evil version of himself.  We all know that kids are terrible judges of movies (Phantom Menace, anyone?), but even I knew this film was bad.  One of the problems was Christopher Reeve’s performance.  He just can't act.  At one point, I heard my father (hi Dad!) discussing the movie with a teenager.

“I thought he was great.  Christopher Reeves really seemed angry,” the teen said.

“If you can’t play angry,” my father said, “you shouldn’t be an actor.”

Which brings us to Morgan Freeman.  Everyone loves Morgan Freeman.  He's wise and avuncular (before you go look it up, avuncular means “like a good-natured uncle”).  He’s got that voice.

You know what else?  He can’t act.  You ever seen Morgan Freeman out-of-control angry?  You ever see him cry like a baby?  You won’t.  He doesn’t.  All Morgan Freeman does is play Morgan Freeman.

Don’t believe me?  Here’s a list of his most famous roles.

Movie
Role
Character Personality
Driving Miss Daisy
Hoke Colburn
Wise, avuncular
Shawshank Redemption
Ellis Redding
Wise, avuncular
Unforgiven
Ned Logan
Wise, avuncular
Glory
Major Rawlins
Wise, avuncular
Bonfire of the Vanities
Judge White
Wise, avuncular
Deep Impact
President Beck
Wise, avuncular
Sum of All Fears
William Cabot
Wise, avuncular
Bruce Almighty
God
Wise, avuncular
The Dark Knight Trilogy
Lucius Fox
Wise, avuncular
Se7en
Detective William Somerset
Wise, avuncular
Robin Hood
Azeem
Wise, avuncular
Wanted
Sloan
Wise, avuncular
Oblivion
Beech
Wise, avuncular

I mean, even in movies where he’s a bad guy, he’s a wise, avuncular bad guy!

So, I’m putting it out there: Morgan Freeman can’t act.  I’m also putting this out there: I’ll still go see any movie with him in it.

‘Cuz, you know, he’s still Morgan Freeman.

Titty sprinkles.

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