Monday, June 10, 2013

Dog Control

We’ve had a lot of break-ins in our neighborhood, lately.  The thieves check to see if you’re home by knocking on the door and pretending to be solicitors.  If you answer, they leave.  If not, they walk around your house looking for an open door.  If they find one, they steal what they can and leave.

I don’t know much about robbery (I don’t subscribe to cable), but it seems most burglars try to avoid breaking in when people are home.  When my wife was growing up, their home was broken in to several times while they were away.  Then they bought a dog that barked when people came to their house, and they were never robbed again.

I was thinking about this and it led me to thinking about gun control.  Wayne LaPierre and the NRA insist guns are necessary for home defense, but unless you’re holding it, a gun is just something more a burglar can steal and sell to another criminal.

I then remembered this quote from Republican Nate Bell during the Boston bombing scare:

I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15 with a hi-capacity magazine?

At the time, I merely shrugged off the absurdity of this statement.  After all, the cops the Tsarnev’s killed were fully armed, but I realized, with one minor change, Bell’s statement is totally true:

I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had a really big dog?

The Tsarnevs had no problem exchanging fire with armed police, but imagine if there was a giant dog charging at them?  And, since they didn't go breaking into people's homes, who wouldn't like a big, warm dog to comfort them?

It turns out, most gun-related quotes make sense if you replace “guns” with “dogs.”

The only thing that stops a bad man with a gun is a good man with a dog. – Wayne LaPierre

I don’t care if I fall as long as someone picks up my dog. – Che Guevara

There are hundreds of millions of dogs in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. –Ted Nugent.

When you carry a dog, you mean to harm somebody. – Bill Cosby

To be safe we don’t need more guns, we just need more dogs.  Think about it.  Not only do dogs protect your home while you’re away, they also promote health by forcing you to walk them, and they provide affection.

Now go tell that to the head of the NDA (National Dog Association).

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