Friday, May 3, 2013

The Author Responds


I read on the internet (and therefore it must be true) an author should never reply to his or her critics.  Yeah, screw that.

Wonderful and absurd characters and ideas are tossed in throughout.
Absurd?  What’s so absurd about a time-travelling, short-order cook or a sentient computer program with a personality crisis living in a void in space?

I'm looking forward to reading more soon. No pressure, Matt.
I’m looking forward to the large monetary reward you plan on giving me to start another book.  No pressure, Brian.

Spoiler alert - don't read the epilogue until you've read the book.
Seriously, who reads the epilogue first?  Do you watch movies backwards and listen to music upside-down?  On the positive side, dinner at your house must be awesome!

Once you start reading it do not put it down otherwise you may have trouble keeping up.
You put my book down?  Oh, no, you’re not supposed to do that.  My books have a carefully defined reading procedure:

1.      Sit down

2.      Start reading

3.      Finish reading entire book

4.      Call emergency and ask for treatment for not eating, drinking, or sleeping for a week.

Would love to see the movie too...I suspect it would be very Cloud Atlas-like, in that you'd have to read the book first to make any sense of the movie.
I, too, am looking forward to a lame, incomprehensible, expensive movie version that flops at the box office.  Call me, Hollywood!  I’m in the book!

But this one not only jumped the Terminator shark, it did a double backflip over it.
This was one of my first reviews and, every day, I puzzle over it trying to figure out what the hell it means.  Jumping the shark is a reference to the episode of Happy Days when everyone agrees the show started to suck.  Terminator is a movie about a robot from the future trying to kill a woman.  Where do these two concepts intersect?  I’m totally lost here.

But not a good job. I don't recommend it.
Your post suggests you’re an expert at recommending good jobs.  Are you a pimp?

I was only sticking with it to see if would somehow come together in the end.
I’d like to introduce you to the reviewer who read the epilogue first.  You two should get married and have kids who read the whole book in order.

The author has put many hours into writing this, give it a try.”
Pinhole took two and a half years, not counting the decades of coming up with time-travel ideas and working out how to make them into stories.  Here’s a link to a book that took “many hours” to write.

“I was 64% of the way through it – according to my Kindle – before I called it quits”
That’s a shame.  At 65% it all comes together and I give you the secret password to my Swiss Bank Account.  Bummer for you, dude.

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