Wednesday, April 24, 2013

My Aspiration As an Author


As I check for the millionth time to see how many people have bought my book Pinhole (I’m only nine away from having sold five hundred this month), I’m struck with one, overriding desire:

I really want Hollywood to make a movie of it and fuck it up.

I want Cassandra to be rescued by a talking dog.  I want Lionel to tell children how important faith is.  I want a rampaging mob to break into every lab in the world and break the wormhole machines, saving us from the evil of technology.  I want Lon to really be Jesus.

For a hundred years, Hollywood has taken books and completely changed them into something different.  There’s a movie of Moby Dick where Ahab kills the white whale and goes home to get the girl.  There’s a movie of The Scarlet Letter, where Hester does a nude scene and Native Americans kill off the evil Puritans.  There are at least two versions of Animal Farm where the animals kick the pigs out and end up happy animals.

The list goes on and on, but you know what one element connects them all?  They were all classic books to start with.  Classics scare Hollywood because they’re scary.  Movie makers don’t want to challenge traditional beliefs.  Audiences don’t want to be pushed out of their comfort zones.

So, I want someone to take Pinhole and totally fuck it up.  Why?  Because that means my book is a classic.

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