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This work by Matthew Kagle is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Michael Jordan Paranoia Basketball Hoop


I don’t want to imply with the title that this child’s basketball hoop was once used by Michael Jordan.  Jordan didn’t own a plastic basketball hoop.  I’m saying your child will be as good a basketball player as Michael Jordan was if you take it.  Or, at the very least, as good a baseball player as Jordan was.

Come to think of it, if Jordan did have this hoop when he was a kid, he might have been an even better athlete.  Then, if he had a kid and he gave that kid this hoop, he or she would have surpassed him.  And then if that kid had another kid and gave the hoop to…

Wow, I just blew the back of my head off.

The point is this is a toy that will change your child’s life.  It’s adjustable, sturdy, and has a magical ability to teleport water.  See, you’re supposed to fill the bottom with sand or water to keep it from tipping over.  After an hour of trying to open the plug in the base to get water in (including using a hammer and pliers at one point) and failing, I gave up.

A few days later, I found the bottom had water in it.  I have no idea how it got there.  I have no idea how I would ever get it out again.  Heck, I’m not even sure if it really is water or just some magical, sloshing sound it generates to make me paranoid.

I’m going to go lock myself in my room, now.

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