Thursday, March 14, 2013

Legal Tender

I’m worried about our currency.

The Freedom from Religion Foundation is suing the US Treasury to remove “In God We Trust” from our money.  I know you’re all shocked that an organization called “The Freedom From Religion Foundation” would try to remove religion from our currency, but I wouldn’t worry about it.  “In God We Trust” has only been our national motto since 1956; before that, we had “E Pluribus Unum” which means “Out of One, Many,” which respects the American tradition of having lots of kids.
In God We Duggar
Oh, wait, it means “Out of Many, One,” which respects the American tradition of…  Well, I think it means we all get along together, which is laudable but not really the current spirit of the country.

The point is, when they take away “In God We Trust,” we’ll just get another motto.  A cooler motto.  Here’s some suggestions I have:

·         Feel Our Awesome
·         We Made English Popular, Suck It Latin!
·         Where Should We Bomb Today?
·         Our Movie Stars Are Skinnier Than Yours
·         Bet You Can Find Us On a Map

So, as I said, I’m not worried about the national motto on our currency.  I’m worried about this phrase:

Yes, our currency claims it is usable for all debts.  Except, of course, it isn’t.  Ever seen a sign like this?

I see them everywhere.  How can this possibly be legal?  Are hundred dollar bills not legal tender?

Hm.  Nope.  Seems they are.  Since when have people been allowed to ignore legal tender?  If anyone can choose the forms of cash they can take, I’m going to open a store and only accept money printed before 2010, with even serial numbers, that have the signature of a Treasury Secretary whose name begins with the letter “e.”

Still, even stores and restaurants aren’t as bad as airlines.  Airlines no longer take any cash in the air.  Need a pair of headphones and don’t have a credit card?  Ha ha, sucker!  Hey, airlines, I would like to point you to this line on my money about the legal tender:

Oh, sorry.  Never mind.

No comments: