Monday, February 25, 2013

My Re Quest

Welcome back.  I’ve recovered from writing my last novel, and will be returning to regular blogging.  If you’re still reading the novel: hurry up!  I’ll be taking it down soon.

I’d like to talk about my upcoming birthday.  Every year on my birthday, I do something crazy I’ve either always wanted to do or have always been afraid to do.

My birthday is coming around again and I’ve decided that, this year, I want to dye my hair (color TBD) and go on a quest.  You read that right; I want to be a knight in shining armor (armour, if you’re British) and kick some dragon’s butt.
Actually, I’m rather fond of dragons. Scratch that. Make it “kick some troll’s butt.”

If you aren’t familiar with quests, they’re something from mythology, movies, and video games.  The king or queen orders a hero to perform a task for the good of the country.  Hercules performed his twelve labors.  The Knights of the Round Table had the Holy Grail.  Phil Collins needed to find Billie.

The problem is we don’t have kings and queens in the United States anymore (unless you count Brangelina or the Romeros).  I don’t have anyone to go ask for a quest. 
I could probably petition my local mayor, but I think I’d probably be thrown out of City Hall.
So, I’m appealing to you all for help.  For one week in May (11-16), I’ll be driving around helping anyone who asks in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I’ll get groceries, take your kids to school, clean your bathroom, pretty much anything.

And, yes, I’ll do it all dressed as a knight in shining armor.

There are rules, of course.  They are:

1.      You must email me with the task ahead of time.  If you’re having trouble thinking something up, I played some video games and came up with the following suggestions:

·         Gather – Harvest the fruit in my garden.

·         Fetch – Go pick up something for me from a friend’s house.

·         Escort – Take my kids to school.

·         Kill – Bring my cat to the veterinarian then explain it to my kids before you take them to school.

2.      You must either describe what tools I will need (so I can bring them) or provide them yourself.
If I shouldn’t bring the sword and shield (because, for example, I could be arrested) you should probably mention that.

3.      You must offer some kind of reward.  Some suggestions from famous myths, movies, and games:

·         Hand of your eldest daughter in marriage (Myth of Hercules)

·         Hand of someone you don’t like in a box (Tomb Raider)

·         Enough money to pay off my debts (Star Wars)

·         Empty glass bottle (Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time)

·         Slice of cake (Portal)

4.      The task must be legal and shouldn’t incapacitate me for the remainder of the week.
Although, incapacitating me for an hour or two is okay.

5.      Finally, you need to note when you are available during the week and if I can bring my family along.

You can post your requests in the comments section, on Facebook, or email me.  Thanks in advance!

No comments: