Creative Commons License
This work by Matthew Kagle is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Magic Paint


I’m not going to say the gallon of paint I bought by accident will give you magical powers.  That would be absurd.  We all know magic is make-believe, something we tell our children when we can’t explain why the sky is blue or how Republicans keep getting control of the House of Representatives.

So, again, just to be clear.  There is no evidence that paint will give you magical powers.

However, if any paint did grant you magical powers, it would be this one.  It’s from Kelly-Moore, the most eldritch of paint companies, and it’s from their Mountain View branch, which sits upon the hellmouth described in Buffy the Vampire slayer.  The color (Sky Watch) was the exact color described by BF Skinner when he planned his behavior modification chamber.

Or, was it the color for training pigeons to guide rockets into enemy ships?  I can never remember.
No, seriously.  He was going to use pigeons as a guidance system.
It’s also eggshell, which is kinda shiny and kinda not.  So, it’s between two worlds.
 
Once again, I make no claims paint will make you fly, become more attractive, or permanently physically fit.  That would be impossible.
 
OR WOULD IT?
You, after taking the paint.  If it really worked, which it totally won't.
 

2 comments:

amacker said...

magic paint
magic paint
when i breathe in i grow faint
magic paint
coats the base
and everything i'd like erased

Matthew Kagle said...

Yeah, it'll fix that pesky rhyming problem, too.