Monday, September 10, 2012

Action Movie Sex

I’m wired differently than most people.  I don’t get why anyone would voluntarily drink alcohol, listen to music, or watch sports.  I also don’t get action movies.  Don’t get me wrong; I used to love them, but something changed.  It was the film “Demolition Man” when I first realized something the wrong.  I loved the movie; it was funny and clever and painted a wonderfully twisted picture of the future.  When the three actions sequence came on, however, I was bored.

I figured the action was just badly filmed until I saw the movie “Final Fantasy: Advent Children.”  I was teaching game design, and my students insisted I see it.  “Advent Children” is 99.999999999% action sequence with a tiny bit of dialogue thrown in between scenes.  The next day, my class was incredulous; how could I not have loved it?  I then realized I’m too old for action films and swore off them.
Oh, look, they're fighting again.
However, last night I watched “The Bourne Identity.”  I liked it more than I thought I would.  Then, in the middle of shootouts, fistfights, and car chases, something happened that made me really confused.  The two main characters had sex.

What?  Really?

Think about it.  You’re the female love interest of Jason Bourne.  You’re on the run from highly-trained killers.  You’ve nearly died three times.  For the first time in your life, people want to kill you.  You’ve got a stress high that is turning your nervous system into Jell-O, because every noise, every creaking floorboard, could be an assassin coming to stab you in the face.

And you’re thinking about sex?  You’re actually capable of being turned on?  What, are your hormones manufactured in a DARPA weapons facility?

I don’t know about any of you, but I doubt I’d be able to have sex for years after living through the events in a typical action movie.  Then again, I’m too old.

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