Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Why I Don't Have Girls

 I like to think I'm a fairly liberal parent.  I don't spank my children. I accept whatever religious views they spout (although, at 4 and 8, their religion is whichever gives them the most presents).  I try to support them in whatever interests and careers they are curious about.

Unfortunately, both my boys are into Lisa's Tea Treasures.  Lisa's Tea Treasures is a little shop where they serve a British High Tea complete with doilies, lemon curd, tea cozies, and enough estrogen to make King Kong wear a tutu.
Whatchoo lookin' at?!

It's expensive, but my children love it so we go a few times a year.  Just me and my two boys sitting there.... Ringing the tiny, silver bell for extra napkins... Holding our little pinkies up as we sip Darjeeling...

I can feel my testes shrink just writing this.

The last time we went, the hostess seated us under a picture. The picture was a disturbing collection of images.  I had a hard time getting a shot of it (the glass was really shiny),  but here's the best I could do.

The Proposal
or Let Go of My Hand!
The Trousseau
or Man This Window Behind Us Is Bright
The Wedding
or The Shotgun Wedding
The Honeymoon
or Who is That Old Guy and Why Won't He Go Away?

The First Evening in their Own Home
or Now You're Stuck With Him

Their New Love
or Now Your Life Is Over
So, what, you might ask, was the title of this picture collection?  "Marriage and Children?"  "The Victorian Ideal of a Stable Relationship?"  How about "Why Women Should Learn a Trade?"  Nope.

Yep, you guessed it.
Yes, that's right.  Having a man pick you out of a lineup, make you his possession, and give you a child are the greatest things that can happen to a girl.  After that, she's a woman and her life is pretty much over.  Good luck!

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