Thursday, May 3, 2012

Conspiracy Theory

After yesterday's failed attempt to use Google Maps, most journalists would have given up using the tool.  Not me.  I'm no ordinary journalist.  I'm a blogger
  • Bloggers have no fear.
  • Bloggers never give up, even in the face of overwhelming facts.
  • Bloggers laugh at the idea of "journalistic integrity."
I started to work this morning on Google Maps.  This time, I came across something terrifying in my city: three secret societies working to overthrow all that is good and decent in this country.

This is the Masons Lodge:
Can you just smell the dead hookers?
If you've ever read the comic From Hell, you know that the Masonic order is dedicated to murdering prostitutes in order to bring on the dawn of a new era.  Normally, I'd just make a sign to ward off the evil eye when I passed this building, but I noticed something else.

This is the Order of Odd Fellows:
Can you just smell the dead... Fellows?
The Odd Fellows is a secret society dedicated to...  Well, being odd, I suppose.  I don't really feel like looking up what they really do.  In any case, I know what you're thinking:

"Wow, you're incredibly hot for a blogger." 

Thanks.  You're also thinking "Two secret societies do not make a conspiracy."

Oh, yeah?  What about this one down the street!
Can you just smell the dead Boy Scouts?
That's right, the Fraternal Order of Eagles!  That's three secret societies within a short walk of each other.  Look at them on a (Google) map:
The evil "inverted L!"
They make a backwards L shape.  The backwards L is the symbol I see people flash at me on their foreheads when they walk by on the streets of my city.  It's also the bitmap character of "=," which means all of these organizations are equal; in other words, they're all part of the same world-domination scheme.

I was about to end the blog there, but I realized there was another secret hidden in these pictures.  Remember the title of the second secret society?
BTW, if you rearrange the letters in Odd Fellows, you get "Dowlf Lodes."
It was a hint to look at the picture of the third secret society, the Eagles.

No, not them!  Although, they are pretty evil.
See this ODD FELLOW?
See that guy?  What's he carrying?  Let's take a closer look.
Definitive proof!
What's in that package?  I don't know, but why are they hiding it from us?  Clearly it has something to do with the prostitute murdering backwards L conspiracy to use eagles to sap our mental powers.

What?  It's no dumber than this conspiracy.
Or even this one.
Not to mention this one.

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