Friday, April 27, 2012

Fun With Freecycle: Cold Hot Wood


I’m giving away this box of Hot Wood because it is insufferably cold.  You can light it, stuff paper around it, douse it with kerosene, stick it in a rocket ship and shoot it into the sun.  It won’t burn.
The wood hasn’t been in the rain.  It wasn’t submerged in liquid.  It was not harvested from a magic, underwater forest.
Although, that would explain a lot.
It just. Won’t. Freaking. Burn.

I’ve written about this box of wood before.  It’s the first box I’ve tried to use to heat my house.  Unlike the Duraflame logs we normally use, these are supposed to actually create heat.  I stuck them in my fireplace and waited.  A few hours later, I realized you had to light them, but was surprised they were from some kind of tree that doesn’t naturally grow an inflammable, paper wrapper.

Next time, I won’t buy the cheap kind of wood.

So, I tried to light it.

Matches didn’t work.

Paper and matches didn’t work.

Paper, matches, and that long strip of wood they labeled “kindling” didn’t work.

Paper, matches, kindling and swearing while jumping up and down and kicking the log didn’t work.

So I’m giving the box away to anyone who needs to build a fireproof house.  Enjoy.

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