Thursday, April 26, 2012

Chevys Is Nuts

"Would you like some arsenic in your drink?"
Welcome to my new, weekly column entitled "Chevys Is Nuts."  Originally, I planned on calling it "Chevys Is Fucking, Bitchcakes Crazy!!!"  Then I realized that this was a family-friendly blog, containing no foul language, insults to religion, or half-naked women.

Oh, no, wait, that's Kirk Cameron's Blog.

When I was at Chevys a few days ago and noticed these creepy illustrations, I just had to share.  They are completely crazy.  Note that I have not modified the images in any way other than to crop them.  I wanted to let their absolute, nutball-wackiness come through.

Suicidal Club Man
That's gonna hurt.
I don't know what goes on at most birthday parties.  In California, we frequently blindfold kids and push them off bridges...  Oh, no, wait, that was supposed to say "let them hit pinatas."  This image kind of looks like someone celebrating his birthday, he's got the blindfold and the traditional Chevys birthday sombrero, but he's not trying to hit a pinata.  He's trying to hit a margarita.

Is picking broken glass out of your face a Mexican tradition?  Did he wander away from his party and is loose on the streets, whacking everything he comes across?  And what's up with the goofy moustache?  Only the Chevys therapist knows for sure.

Masked Wedgie Dad
This image was below a statement that two kids can now eat for free at Chevys.  What that has to do with a masked wrestler carrying two kids by their underwear is beyond me.  You could probably put this picture under the words "Child Abuse Hurts Everyone" and use it to solicit donations for children's shelters.

Sombrero Fish
Just what every fish wants, a worm in a bottle.
There are just so many things I don't understand about this picture.  Why would anyone fry a fish in a sombrero?  Are they going to eat the sombrero?  And why would they dangle a worm in front of it while it's being cooked alive (it has to be alive; the tail is moving); just to be cruel?  And how in God's name did they get a hook through a bottle, and why is the worm still smiling while it has a freaking metal hook through it?!

Demented Child
Can you find some sense of dignity?
Last, and certainly least, is this picture of a freaky child.  This freaky child isn't riding a pinata; he's riding a half-invisible pinata.  This child is riding a half invisible pinata while wearing a Chevys birthday sombrero.  This child wears both a scarf and a short-sleeved shirt, in defiance of weather and good taste.  This child is waving half a taco at you.  This child has the most disturbing look on his face.  This child is asking you to find chickens, horses, and pigs, representing the three meats sold at Chevys.

No kid, I'm not going to try to find your animals.  I'm just going to back away from you and not make direct eye contact.

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