I've gone to all (but one) Game Developers Conferences since 1997. That means:
- Unless you are a game god, I outrank you.
- I've spent enough on conference passes to fund the construction of an interstate highway.
- I know where the good stuff is.
|There's another way they bring you in, but I'll cover that later. In detail.|
Yeah, you heard me companies with bad stuff! Your keychains, pens, bottle openers, and iPod covers can bite my fuzzy, white butt. You know the only thing worse than a booth that gives out tiny candies or temporary tattoos?
Shirts are almost as bad as Total Crap. I used to love free shirts, but now that my mother doesn't dress me anymore (hi mom!), I stopped collecting free shirts that come apart in the washing machine.
|No, we shall not.|
Normally, I wouldn't waste my time on stress relievers, they tend to explode into a pile of little fuzzy bits after an hour of use. Still, mykids like them, so I pick them up. They come in four kinds:
|Ripe for abuse.|
"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"
|The rubber band darts are more likely to break off your thumb than go anywhere.|
|And this... This is just fucking awesome.|
Note to GDC conference goers: don't eat the free candy. Exhibitors poison them in hopes you'll collapse in the booth and they can talk to you into buying their tree rendering software.
|"Can I hold your hair back while I show you our B2B servers?"|
Nice try, guys. There's no way this isn't either a virus or a cheapo demo.
|"Delirium" will be followed by the sequels "Nausea" and "Fever Blisters."|
The final category is kinda the "no-category" category. Oh, okay, fine. It's weird but worth mentioning.
|Spin this ball and it changes color!|
|Facebook, gamers don't need chip clips. We eat the whole bag in one sitting. Sheesh.|
Tomorrow, I'll cover hot babes. Well, uncover if I'm lucky.