Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fun with Freecycle: Cat Suitcase

This is a large, green, fabric suitcase.  It’s a good shade of green, dark enough so it doesn’t make you look silly, bright enough to stand out on a baggage carousel.

It was part of a two-piece set, but the other suitcase’s handle broke.  We kept it for a while, thinking we might need it for travel emergencies, but nothing ever came up.  What would a travel emergency be?
“Honey, the FBI called. They need me to sit on a beach in Acapulco right now. I’d take the Samsonite luggage, but they tell me dark green suitcases scare Al Qaeda.”
The cats love it (contradicting my previous statements that cats are terrorists).  The zipper has been open on one side, and they’ve spent the last year going in and out and in and out.  I don’t know what kind of enjoyment they get from sitting inside a small container.  I assume they’re assembling explosives for-

No, not terrorists!  Not terrorists.  They’re just meditating.
Meditating on murder!
Whatever they’re plotting, we’ll clean the hair out as best we can.  The point is, this is not a suitcase for someone allergic to cats.  Anyone with a severe cat allergy within a half mile of this suitcase would probably explode like that guy in the beginning of “Scanners.”
"Do you have a cat?"
If you already have cats, or already exploded, we could leave it filled with hair, and you could keep it for them.  I’d suggest leaving it half-open and sticking it in your garage.  That way they can go in and out and plot the downfall of humanity in peace.

Sorry, I mean, meditate.  Meditate in peace.  We all know how Zen cats are…

When they’re not trying to kill you.

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