Thursday, February 16, 2012

Respect for Rights of Conscience Act


There has been a lot of news about the new law that wouldforce organizations to provide birth control to employees.  A number of Catholic institutions have protested and Republicans have tried to change the law to exempt religious organizations with a moral objection.  This exemption makes perfect sense, because we shouldn’t force anyone to pay for something they are morally opposed to.

That’s why I’m starting my own religion.  We’ll call it Matthewism. 

Here are the things Matthewists are morally opposed to:

·         Paying for contraception.
It is immoral to force people to pay for other’s immorality.

·         Paying for “perks” for politicians.
Congress gets enormous benefits that real Americans don’t.  We shouldn’t have to pay for them.

·         Paying for welfare.
Why should the poor and infirm get a free ride on our money?

·         Paying for the military.
The military kills more people than any other organization.  I don’t want my tax dollars to support mass murder.

·         Paying for roads, bridges, and any other infrastructure.
Roads and bridges contribute to greenhouse emissions through the cars and trains that travel over them.  I won’t pay for that.

·         Paying taxes, period.
There has to be a ton of immoral stuff I pay for that’s I don’t even know about.  End all taxes, but just for me.  Somebody has to keep the country from falling into chaos.

·         The war on drugs.
Because it’s immoral that I and my kids can’t get high on crack whenever we want.

·         Sexy people with clothes on.
If you’re hot, it’s my moral right to see you naked all the time.  Hope you don’t live in Alaska!

·         Anyone who has more money than Matthewists.
Those who aren’t believers in Matthewism are hoarding money.  It’s immoral and they should give it to Matthewists.

I’m liking this religion so far.  Anyone want to join?

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