Thursday, February 2, 2012

Letter to My Senator

Printed letter left outside my door at 8pm last night:

Dear Senator Alquist,

Earlier this evening I was startled to hear my doorbell ring.
(Actually, I’m frequently startled by my doorbell because it’s one of those doorbells that plays a prerecorded sound.  Right now, the sound is of my youngest screaming “DOORBELL!” so you can imagine I’m startled often.)


It was a solicitor.  He told me he was going door to door for “Forests Forever” trying to pass a law that would use scientific methodology to control clear-cutting permits.  I told him that I never gave money at my door, but he told me he just wanted me to write you a letter.  I wouldn’t even have to stamp it; he’d just pick it up later!

I stalled.  It was bedtime for my kids, and I really-eally didn’t want to.  Still, he was insistent and he handed me a sheet of guidelines on what to write, so I decided to go ahead with it.  Here is my letter.

Ahem.

Senator Alquist (May I call you “Elaine?”  No?  Okay.), I want to urge you to vote against A.B. 380.  A.B. 380 is a terrible, terrible bill because of three things.

First, it has the letters A and B in the name but not C.  Isn’t education enough of a problem in California without cutting a third of the ABCs?  I’m sure the AB means something, but I can’t find it anywhere on the sheet the guy left me last night.

Second, this law (Bill?  Regulation?  That’s not on the sheet either.) would put science in the business of Big Logging.  (Is there a Big Logging?  Not on the sheet.)  Without Big Logging, we wouldn’t have the steady stream of wood pulp needed to make paper to print out letters to write you to urge you to vote for/against bills!

Third, and this is the most important point, I can’t think of a third reason for you to oppose it.  Obviously, I can come up with BS reasons to oppose any bill, but not this one.  If AB380 had more substance, I could ridicule it more.  Obviously, it needs more work.

Thanks for reading.  The sheet tells me I should ask you to reply to me in writing, but I’m scared by what you might say.

Sincerely,

Matthew Constituent

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