Monday, February 6, 2012

Crazy Crap from Rite-Aid: Toys


I was going to write a long introduction to this piece about how I went to a Rite Aid this weekend and took pictures of some of the insane stuff I found there.  Let's face it, though; the title says it all.


Rite Aid seems to have two kinds of crazy things: unwanted toys they got from other companies who couldn't sell them and crap for nutballs.  Today, I only have time to go over the first set of pictures, the toys.

Let us start with the worst.
"That's right!  I have a motorcycle!"
The Spider-Man Motorcycle is an evolution of the Spidey Car.  What is the Spidey Car?
Really, a Spidey Jeep.
The Spidey Car and Spidey Cycle are the dumbest things marketers have come up with since the Burger King ads about "Herb."  Spider Man is popular, in part, because he has cool powers.  He swings from building to building, like he's flying only cooler.  So why would he drive a car?  Because parents who don't know who Spider-Man is will buy it.

Don't fall into this trap!  If you want to buy your kids a car based on a movie or character, buy them something that makes sense.  For example, get this:
A Cars car!  What will they think of next?
Not this!
"My kids will have loads of fun re-enacting the climactic final battle in Iron Man 2 with cars!"
Enough about cars and superheroes.  We need to talk about kids' breast fetish toys.  Yes, you can buy your kids overly sexualized toys at Rite Aid.  Don't believe me?  Check this out:
"Power Rangers!  Bow before my boob cones!"
Maybe you can't see it in this picture, but Rita Repulsa, from the horrid television series "Power Rangers," has giant cones for breasts.  Can't see them?  Let me try to get a different angle.
"Bow to me or I shall poke you in the eye!"
They're full on Madonnas.  These things are dangerously pointy and I can only guess what it will do to kids who buy them.
Sadly, it's too late for her.

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