There was just too much stuff to cover in yesterday's post, so I had to break it up into two parts. The last time, I covered the second-hand toys Rite-Aid sells. This time I'm covering the stuff only bought by complete nutball whack-jobs.
Or, you know, people who shop at Rite-Aid.
When I passed these candles, I thought how patently absurd they were.
|Because, what's more holy than a candle bought at Rite-Aid?|
I started making these a few years ago, and they're terrifically popular. However, you need to mix paraffin with the chocolate to make it melt properly. What happens if I burn them? Does my chocolate give me a connection to God or...
|Yes, there is a satanic chocolate mold. Actually, this is the Krampus.|
|The end of the world IN MAGAZINE FORM!|
Yes, you too can be kept up-to-date on all of your end of the world news. The world will end in 2012 of course. Why? Because the Mayans (who were smarter and more accomplished than we are because they aren't around for us to ridicule) were better than we are.
Ah, I'm being judgmental again. Why is that magazine any dumber than this book?
|Watch out for "They!"|
"They" are quite insidious. First, "They" created a hundred years of scientific advances in medicine. Second, "They" created large companies to distribute that medicine. Finally, "They" reap huge profits from people who could be cured of their terrible diseases by chewing on some weed growing in the back yard.
"They" are sneaky people. "They" must be stopped. "They" probably don't shop at Rite-Aid.