When I was in sixth grade, I began sex education classes in school. I learned about how a sperm cell fertilizes an egg. I learned about how babies grew and were born. Then I went out and began a life of sexual debauchery and mayhem just like evangelical Christian groups said I would. Or I would have if I hadn’t been a horrible geek with coke-bottle glasses, discount clothes, and a cheap haircut. In reality, I didn’t date until after I graduated high school.
The sex ed course didn’t teach me much I didn’t already know. By the end, I had only learned two things:
I was going to be a technical writer one day.No, seriously. They gave us this handout on what we’d do in the class. According to the handout, the boys would watch the videos: “From Boy to Man” and “From Girl to Woman.” Girls would watch “The Birth of Puppies.” It was a minor typo, but I thought it was hysterical and showed it to everyone.
People think the oddest things are pornographic.In class we were shown two and only two views of the female reproductive system. The first looked like this:
|Instructive if you need to perform a cesarean.|
|Useful if you need to chop up a victim and dispose of the evidence.|
|Again: geek, bad glasses, bad clothes, bad haircut.|
For example, boobs.
|God, I love writing this blog.|
Although this is considered more risqué.
|What I like to call the “NYPD Blue Effect.”|
It’s even okay for me to show an entire boob with the nipples magically removed.
|What I like to call… What the hell do we call that?|
|Unless it’s a man’s.|
|And the correct answer is: WHO CARES?!|
|Didn’t think so.|