Most Successful Man Ever?

If you’re trying to decide who the most successful woman in ever was, it’s pretty easy: Queen Elizabeth.  Nobody can argue with that. 

Judging from her picture, though, she might have been a dude.

However, with men, it’s more difficult to decide because it’s hard to choose what definition to use for “success.”  If you judge success by wealth, you’d pick John D. Rockefeller, who (in constant dollars) made something like $323 billion dollars in the first half of his life. 

Down side: bad moustache.

Or you could pick Norman Borlaug, whose innovations saved billions from starvation.

Down side: goofy last name.

However, neither of these choices take into account the core part of being a male.  In short: neither guy scored with a lot of babes.

As I stated in an earlier post, it is part of a man’s genetic programming to have sex with as many women as possible.  As great as Rockefeller and Borlaug were, they didn’t nail a lot of chicks.  Taking male programming into account, there’s only one person who qualifies for the top slot.

Down side: bad hat, but he could take it off.

That’s right, Hugh Hefner.

Think about it for a moment.  Not only is Hefner rich and powerful, but he became so by defining what made a woman beautiful.

The definition: enormous fake breasts and lots of airbrushing.

His vision of beauty became so compelling, he was able to build an international empire.  However, anyone can build an empire (look at Queen Elizabeth).  Hefner built one that made him a sex god.

If you haven’t read any of the recent accounts of Hef’s sex life, you should probably do so.  Here’s a link to one.  Come back when you’re done.

I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking:

Anybody with money, charm, or looks can seduce a beautiful woman.  Any man with money can pay to have sex with lots of prostitutes.  Only Hefner can get women from all over the world to try to become his ideal woman, to throw themselves at him.  Heck, Hefner even dated twins for a while. 

And, what's more, they were both okay with it.

So,say what you will about him, be as repulsed as you want, there are few men who wouldn’t give up everything to be Hefner, Viagra and all.

And, let’s face it, most of those men are gay.

So, my Most Successful Man in the World award goes to Hugh Hefner.  This guy gets second prize.