Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Heating and Air Conditioning: The Final Chapter

Our heating (and central air conditioning) was put in last week, so this is the final chapter.  Well, maybe it isn’t; we’re having new insulation put in the attic on Thursday, but I don’t expect I’ll be able to wring much humor out insulation installation.

Some highlights from the installation experience:

The new furnace
It has three little cylinders in it that, when the heat turns on, turn into tiny rocket engines.  I’m not kidding.  If, like me, you grew up with gas furnaces that calmly lit up little blue flames and gently blew air through them, you’re in for a shock.  Our new furnace shoots three columns of blue death.  I’m not sure what they’re shooting at, but it’s toast.
Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the inside and I'm now afraid to open it up.
The cat hole
They had to cut a bigger hole in our floor to run the intake through.  As I walked by, a cat jumped out.  Scared the living daylights out of me, but she looked incredibly self-satisfied.

Note the tiny footprints.
My personal thermostat
When the new equipment was finally turned on, it belched smoke, then an odd oily smell, then heat, then (for a short test period) cold air.  Later that night, with the thermostat set to a low (for us) 67 degrees, we all felt like baked potatoes.  My youngest screamed in the middle of the night and ripped off his pajama top and socks because he was so hot.  I guess we all got used to it being cold.
Also, there's this small bomb attached to my air conditioner.
I’m sexy and I know it
When I lived in my first apartment, I couldn’t adjust the heat, and it became incredibly hot in winter.  I took to sleeping naked, a habit I kept until my children got old enough to grab and squeeze things.  I hate pajamas because they twist around me when I turn in bed.

With the heat off, I dug out my old long johns from when I did the three-day walk for breast cancer.  After the first night, I realized they were infested with these little white bugs.  After a wash, I became quite attached to them because they clung to me so well I didn’t feel the need to adjust them every time I turned over at night.

Also, I look dead sexy in them.
BTW, that's me in the robot mask.
What do I do with all this wood??
I now have a cord of wood that won’t burn.  What the heck do I do with it?!
Also, now that I can rake leaves, I have all these giant patches of mushrooms.  What do I do with them?

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