Wednesday, January 11, 2012


When I hit the ripe old age of 39, I got tired of birthday parties.  Birthdays are pretty lame when you’ve had as many of them as I had.  Sure, cake is nice, and it’s always fun to blow out candles...  Then people sing at you.  Then you have to pretend to like gifts and write thank-you notes and realize you’re even closer to dying and haven’t done anything noticeable in your life and...

I mean, I love the parties my wife threw.  Those were spectacular, and I loved every minute of them.
Where I slept last night.
On my 40th birthday, I decided to mix things up a bit.  I went to a glass blowing class and dyed my hair blue (and, yeah, there was a party.  It was awesome.  Thanks honey.  Love you!)
Blue hair and blown glass.
On my 41st, I jumped out of an airplane without going through the usual intermediary steps of a tandem jump.
Bloody nose and brown pants.
This year is my 42nd birthday.  I have three things planned, and I’m going to need help with one of them.

First, I’d like to do my hair in a funny color again.  No, I don’t need help with this.  Really, I think I’ll just bleach it white.  Dyeing was fun, but expensive.  I want to save my money for the second minor thing.

Second, I’d like to eat at the French Laundry, arguably the best restaurant in the United States.  I don’t need help with this one, either, but if anyone wants to join me (and can afford it) I’d love to have you along.

The third thing is what I need help with.  It requires some specialized knowledge, so before you volunteer, I need to know if you’re the right person for the job.  There’s a test.  Ready?

Question 1 – Fill in the Blank
Finish the following sentences.

“This must be a Thursday;________________________.”

“Time is an illusion,__________________________.”

“Life! Don’t talk to me___________________.”

Question 2 – Multiple Choice
If you were a bowl of petunias, and you were about to fall to your death, what would your last thoughts be?

“Oh no, not again.”

“Goodbye cruel world!”

“Why am I a thinking bowl of petunias?”

Question 3 – True/False
The Answer to the Ultimate Question is 42.

The Question to the Ultimate Answer is “How many roads must a man walk down?”

Mice are more than they appear to be.

Question 4 – Essay
If you were to write an essay on this topic, what would it be about?

(Seriously?  You’d do an essay question for my birthday?  You are so in there!)

Question 5 – Picture Analysis
What does this picture mean?

Enter your answers in the comments section below.  Tomorrow, I’ll tell you what I’m planning to do.


Maricana said...

Better than answering all the obvious questions. . . why are you going Hitchhiking?

Matthew Kagle said...

Look at how old I'm going to be. It seemed appropriate.

Anonymous said...

I love the essay question! - kb

Matthew Kagle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matthew Kagle said...

Please submit the essay in MLA format.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget your towel... -Ned

Anonymous said...

I have to guess.... you want to hitchhike to the Laundry? I think Green is the proper hair color... Its either that or build a robot the size of a planet..