When I hit the ripe old age of 39, I got tired of birthday parties. Birthdays are pretty lame when you’ve had as many of them as I had. Sure, cake is nice, and it’s always fun to blow out candles... Then people sing at you. Then you have to pretend to like gifts and write thank-you notes and realize you’re even closer to dying and haven’t done anything noticeable in your life and...
I mean, I love the parties my wife threw. Those were spectacular, and I loved every minute of them.
|Where I slept last night.|
Blue hair and blown glass.
|Bloody nose and brown pants.|
First, I’d like to do my hair in a funny color again. No, I don’t need help with this. Really, I think I’ll just bleach it white. Dyeing was fun, but expensive. I want to save my money for the second minor thing.
Second, I’d like to eat at the French Laundry, arguably the best restaurant in the United States. I don’t need help with this one, either, but if anyone wants to join me (and can afford it) I’d love to have you along.
The third thing is what I need help with. It requires some specialized knowledge, so before you volunteer, I need to know if you’re the right person for the job. There’s a test. Ready?
Question 1 – Fill in the BlankFinish the following sentences.
“This must be a Thursday;________________________.”
“Time is an illusion,__________________________.”
“Life! Don’t talk to me___________________.”
Question 2 – Multiple ChoiceIf you were a bowl of petunias, and you were about to fall to your death, what would your last thoughts be?
“Oh no, not again.”
“Goodbye cruel world!”
“Why am I a thinking bowl of petunias?”
Question 3 – True/FalseThe Answer to the Ultimate Question is 42.
The Question to the Ultimate Answer is “How many roads must a man walk down?”
Mice are more than they appear to be.
Question 4 – EssayIf you were to write an essay on this topic, what would it be about?
(Seriously? You’d do an essay question for my birthday? You are so in there!)
Question 5 – Picture AnalysisWhat does this picture mean?
Enter your answers in the comments section below. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you what I’m planning to do.