Friday, December 9, 2011

War On Christmas

The War on Christmas is very real.  It takes place in our schools, our homes, and our shopping malls.  I know this, because I am a foot soldier in the war.  It is my mission in life to bring Christmas down.

I.  Hate. Christmas.

I don't hate Christmas because it's so commercial.  I don't hate it because it is religious.
I hate it because it's both at the same time.

Make. Up. Your.  God.  Damned.  Mind.

I hate the music that plays in the malls and grocery stores over and over again until it drives you insane.

Your.  Music.  Sucks.

I hate how, Christmas has become so all-encompassing that people look at you like you have leprosy or rape puppies for a living if you say you don't celebrate it.

I'm.  Not.  Scrooge.  Or.  The.  Grinch.

I hate that people only donate to the needy in December.

Like.  The.  Poor.  Don't.  Exist.  In.  June.

Most of all, I hate that some elements of our society have become so intense about Christmas, that they view anyone who dares deviate from their perception of the holiday as an enemy.

You.  Know.  Those.  People.  Who.  Watch.  Fox.  News.

So, I have declared a war on Christmas.  Much like the War on Terror, there is no real enemy, no start or end to the war.  It is simply war without end.

Just.  The.  Way.  I.  Like.  It.

And, by the way, the music really does suck.  Cut it out.

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