Thursday, December 1, 2011

Taking Kids to Dinner



Normally, I don’t do product endorsements.  It’s not that I have anything against being paid for doing ads.  It’s just that I’d need more than a thousand-fold increase in readership before I got one.

(By the way, if any of you have 49,955 friends, feel free to send them here.)


However, today’s post is a bit of an endorsement for Roy’s restaurants (the Hawaiian ones, not the ones in America that are run by Outback Steakhouse) and if they were to, I don’t know, send me some money…  Well, I wouldn’t be offended.  I’m also hoping that other restaurants take a hint from Roy’s.

Taking Children to a Restaurant
  1. Get seated
    • Children are given crayons and a menu they can draw on.
  2. Kids get bored
    • Most children have drawn on hundreds of menus over the years.
    • Kids scream.
  3. Order food
    • For added fun, tell your children "the food is almost here" every six to eight minutes.
  4. More screaming
    • And more screaming.
    • And even more screaming.
  5. Food arrives
    • Having become "over-hungry" the kids are now too worked up to eat.
  6. Kids throw food
    • Alternately, they may kick each other or stab each other with cutlery.
  7. Kids finally eat
    • Usually, only after threats and intimidation
  8. Dessert arrives
    • Note: dessert will only arrive one minute after kids finally start eating.
  9. Leave restaurant
    • Parents realized they forgot to eat.

Taking Children to Roy’s Waikoloa
  1. Get seated
    • Children are given crayons and a menu they can draw on.
    • Kids get bored.
    • Kids realize they also get twisty wax toys.
    • Kids get bored.
  2. Appetizer arrives.
    • Kids eat free quesadillas and pineapple.
  3. Order food
    • Carrot sticks, apples, and ranch dressing arrive.
  4. Food arrives
    • Kids ask for more of previous appetizers. 
  5. Kid dessert arrives
  6. Leave restaurant
    • Note: leave a big tip.
    • Kids are so quiet on the way home, you think they might have fallen asleep.
Dear Chevy's: I'll take the above over a free sombrero any day.

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