Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Heating and Air Conditioning, Part 3

"Asbestos, it's a new miracle fiber!"

Ever since I found out about the asbestos in my attic, I've had that ad stuck in my head.  It's now been about three weeks since our furnace died, and they just took out the toxic waste yesterday.  With luck, we should have heat by the middle of next week.  Of course, I might not have any toes left, but it turns out severed toes are great for martinis.

But I digress.  I have learned a few things about asbestos in the last few weeks:
  • There are two kinds of companies that can take away your asbestos: the totally paranoid kind, or the careless kind.   
  • The paranoid kind of company wants to take two days to do the work, leave a "three stage decontamination facility" and air scrubbers in your home for a few days while you sleep in a hotel. 
It turns out that the Teletubbies have a major asbestos problem.
  • The careless kind of company yanks it all out in a morning and leaves a giant bag of toxic waste on your driveway for a day.
About a quarter of our asbestos collection.
  • The careless kind is hundreds of dollars cheaper.
  • Asbestos can be safely eaten, rubbed on your skin, or shoved into your eyeballs.  It's only unsafe when it gets into your lungs.
  • To remove something with asbestos, you wet it down (so it doesn't get into the air), wrap it up like a burrito, and carry it out.
  • A decontamination facility is a bunch of plastic stapled to the walls like the kill room from "Dexter."
    I have a strong desire to move to Miami.
Now that the ducts are gone, I hope to have heat in the house by the new year.

Shoot.  There went another toe.  Drink, anyone?

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