I’ve always looked down on tattoos with a degree of contempt. Tattoos never looked good to me. In most cases, I thought they made people look worse, like breast implants.
|Lady, I'm not imagining you naked. I'm imagining putting a tarp over you.|
|It's a fish caught near Fukushima.|
Question One: Where do I put it?Most people don’t have too much problem with location. They have their whole bodies. Me, I look like this naked.
|Waiting for my turn in the shower. I made a bandolier to hold soap.|
Question Two: What should I get?If you can’t think of how to permanently alter your body, you shouldn’t do it. Think back to what you were into twenty years ago. If you got that as a tattoo, would you be happy with it now?
|This is what I would have gotten twenty years ago. Seriously.|
First, I thought I might get a microchip tattoo. I saw someone who had a cool one, once, that went around his bicep. I couldn’t think of a good place to put mine.
|Although it would be useful if I owned a Buick.|
Then I saw the Chinese character for “human being.” Because, you know, if someone in China ever doubted I was a human being, I could just swing around and point at my neck and yell “Oh, yeah, buddy? What about this!”
|"Sir, that's a picture of a wishbone."|
Then, out of the blue, I thought about getting a mystic symbol like a wizard might have. If I was going to get a mystic symbol, I’d get one for “irresistible to women.” Turns out they don’t have one for that. Then I looked for “power.” Turns out they don’t have one for that either, but I came across the modern one.
|Or, it could be a hot dog seen from one end.|
|Not exactly as I remembered it.|
|I held the pen just for contrast.|
|It's for contrast! I really got tattoos!|
|Oh, now I remember.|