Thursday, November 3, 2011

How Cool I Am


I am cooler than you.  No, seriously.  Ignore the bad posture, inexpensive haircut, and love of science fiction and fantasy for a moment.

Oh, and ignore my collection of comic books.

Yeah, and forget the video game addiction.

Ignore all of that and I am cooler than you.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s put it to a test.  No, seriously, let’s test it.


Question 1. Are you married?
Pick one: YES/NO

If you answered “no” then you’re not cool enough for marriage.  Go reinstall Linux while the rest of us continue the test.

Question 2. What was your wedding’s theme?
A. Love, Family, or Unity
B. There’s a theme to weddings?
C. Halloween

If you didn’t answer C, you lose!  HA!  Why don’t you work on that new microchip model made out of Legos while the rest of us keep going?
Photographic evidence I'm cooler than you.
Question 3. What was your “first dance” song?
A. Something my wife wanted.
B. Who remembers?
C. “The Masochism Tango” by Tom Lehrer.

Again, if you didn’t answer C, I wind and you lose.  Go put on your pants that don’t reach the ground and the glasses you taped back together.

But, back to me.

My first dance with my wife was to a song which extolled the virtue of being hurt for sexual pleasure.  And, yeah, there were kids there.  (Also a dance instructor, because I’m not afraid of anyone judging me; I’m too cool!)

That's her on the far left, taking a picture of me to show her students.
I got the idea having been a fan of Tom Lehrer’s since college.  Ah, college, a time of experimentation (with role playing games), drinking to excess (Coke or root beer), and staying up to all hours of the night (1 am).

I even took an acting class.  In the class I was expected to do a lip-synch, which I did to Lehrer’s “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park.”

Yeah, that one’s pretty funny, too.  Hahahaha!  Haha.  Ha.

Crap.

Title: Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
Genre: Song
Severity: 2 (unspecified number + 1 aggravating factor  +1 mitigating factor +1 done as a joke)
Date: 1959
Description: The singer describes killing pigeons through poison.
Mitigating Factors: He jokes about also killing a squirrel.
Aggravating Factors: He suggests they take a few back home to experiment on.

Well, I guess we all have our embarrassing past.  Hopefully, this won’t come back to haunt me when I run for president.
I suppose worse things could come back to haunt me.

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