Okay, okay so you want to know more about how my trip to the Jelly Belly Factory Tour was.
It was long. Having done this tour twice already, I can tell you it doesn’t get any better with repetition. Sure, I could tell you about the paper hats and the free samples and the process of how you make the beans. I could tell you about looking down on the factory and how much my kids liked everything.
But you don’t come to my site for cheerful stories about happy experiences, do you?
You do? Oh.
Well, in that case, it’s time for me to introduce a new feature here on I Can Write Funny: the guest blogger. I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping up with being funny five days a week, so I enlisted some help. Without, further ado, let me hand things over to my first guest blogger: Wink D. Bivouac. Wink’s good at enthusiasm, and he used to pretend to be my “Good Twin” on Facebook. Take it away, Wink!
Oh, my, God! The Jelly Belly Factory is the greatest place in the Whole, Wide, World! When you get there, there is this Great, Big, Jellybean Guy! He is SO CUTE! And they put a hat on him! That makes him all dressed up for Halloween! As a witch!
I should say that I’m against Halloween and Witchcraft and I think the fine people at the Jelly Belly Company ought to think about what they’re doing to the children who see their inflaty guy.
But back to the tour. FIRST, you stand in this little roped off area with Tensabarriers. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE Tensabarriers! I could stand in them all day.
While I was waiting WITH SO MUCH EXCITEMENT I took this picture of the stairs up. It had CANDY CORN! I love candy corn because it doesn’t really look like corn and it doesn’t really taste like candy. But if you eat enough you can puke up this pretty yellowy orange! Sometimes I eat a lot and just leave it in the toilet to brighten up the bathroom.
Then, they gave us these CUTSEY WOOTSEY hats to wear and we went on the tour. There were all these fascinating movies and they gave us free samples and we could taste the beans in the different stages of being done. And we got to see pictures of Ronald Reagan, THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER, made out of JELLY BEANS! How great was that?!
I want this picture to hang in my house between a jelly bean picture of Jesus and a jelly bean picture of a unicorn on a rainbow.
Then, we got to the best part. You want to know the best part? At the end of the tour we got to go to a JELLYBEAN STORE! And you could buy anything they make for only a little more than if you bought it in a regular store.
That means this car is only $63,000!
Outside, I was a little dizzy from inhaling all that sugar in the air. I tried to take a picture of the factory, but all I got was this thing on the ground. I don’t know what it was, but it looks like those disks kids used to shoot at me in high school. Only this one was metal. That could really hurt if it got in your eye. I think the Jelly Belly people should stop shooting these at kids, too.
Anyway, best, trip, ever! I want to go there every day, because FREE SAMPLES and that means I’d never have to eat again!!