Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How Columbus, Spelling and Iranian Comic Books Meet


Okay, I’m wearing running shorts and new shoes.  I’ve warmed up.  I shaved my back (at least, the parts I can get shaving cream on).  I am ready to show you how all three of those things in the title connect together.

Maybe I shouldn't have left it in the rain for three days.

Right now, a red Netflix envelope is hanging outside my mailbox on a magnetic clip.  It’s hanging out there because that’s how I send outgoing mail.  I found that, if I put things right in my mailbox, they came back inside my house with the new mail instead of making their fortune out in the big wide world.

Did you notice that I called it a “Netflix envelope?”  It’s not a “Qwikster envelope.”  Nosireebob.  Netflix caved yesterday.  They heard everyone getting all worked up about splitting their business into two businesses and decided to change their minds.  I imagine that, every couple weeks, Netflix’s CEO puts on a pair of roller skates and stands on a big table with the names of decisions taped on it.  A bunch of employees shake the table back and forth and, every time he rolls over a decision, he dictates an email to Netflix’s subscribers.

“We’re raising prices!” he says.  Then, a second later he rolls over the word APOLOGY. “Oh, we’re so sorry!  Now we’re splitting into two companies!  I just rolled over ‘stupid name change.’  We’ll call it Qwikster.  No, wait, I’m on ‘backpedal.’  We’ll just be one company called Netflix.  Now I’m on ‘kangaroos!’  We’re going to send out a kangaroo with every envelope!”
"Now I'm on 'get fired by board of directors.'"

You catch the joke in there?  Backpedal was supposed to be like ‘go back one turn’ but he made a mistake.  See?  SUBTLE HUMOR.

Anyway, my Netflix envelope is still sitting outside.  It’s been there for days.  Why?  Because I didn’t realize yesterday was Columbus Day.  The day really has no meaning for me, as I don’t go to school or work for a bank.  Why do we celebrate Columbus Day, anyway?  I mean, what did he discover, the people who already discovered the new world?  In any case, he’s a terrible man because his holiday is making it impossible for me to cut down my DVD queue, which is currently stuck around 400 titles.
Oh, right, he started a genocide.  Doesn't seem like a fun holiday.

And what does that have to do with Iranian comic books?  The DVD in the Netflix sleeve, waiting for Columbus to piss off is called Persepolis.  It’s based on an autobiographical comic book about a young woman growing up in Iran during the cultural revolution.  Really good movie (and comic).  You should get it.
And you'll know why the swan is made of bread and why that is so very sad.

Whew.  I did it.  Three diverse topics in one post.

Cigarette?

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