Friday, September 9, 2011

Search Terms 2

Every now and then, I go through my Google Analytics page and see what causes people to come to my site.  Usually, the reason listed is “She’s your wife.  If she doesn’t read your blog, you get cranky.”  However, over the last few months, the results have changed.

Here is my current list of “top search terms” that brought people to my site.

Gta san andreas hot coffee
I never even wrote about Hot Coffee!  Oh well.  If you’re not familiar with Hot Coffee, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas had a big scandal a few years back.  If you hacked into the code (nicknamed Hot Coffee for reasons I don’t understand), you could make a sex game out of it.  There was a lot of hubbub and the creators had to take back all of the copies and rerelease it.  I mentioned this in one earlier post.  Funny that people would get my site on that search, though.

Birthday thoughts
Usually “I’m so old.”
Picture from my last birthday party.
Hot coffee san andreas
Huh.  Again?  Okay.  Well, I guess it’s still an interesting topic.  I mean, Hot Coffee was something someone had to break into their code to do, but still Rockstar Games had to pay to withdraw the game and reissue copies.  The ESRB sucks.  America’s morals suck.

San andreas hot coffee
Oh, come on!  Fine, here’s a picture from GTA:Hot Coffee.  It’s not a big deal.  Get over it.
Kinda like Guitar Hero.
Monster hands
Yeah, that’s what my first girlfriend called me.
I'm just kidding.  She never called me.
Gta sa hot coffee
What?!  I’m running out of things to say about it.  Er, okay, Wikipedia says the name Hot Coffee comes from the fact that your girlfriend in the game invites you home coffee.  Happy?

Hot coffee gta san andreas
Stop it!

Bicycle crash
At least it isn’t another Grand Theft Auto reference.  Not sure what advice to give here.  Don’t get into bike crashes?
Not sure why, but I found this on Google Images under "bike explosion."
Thoughts for birthday
Wait, we already did this one.  I don’t have any-

Hot coffee gta sa
AAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Thoughts on birthday
Stop it!!!!!!

Bad bicycle
Stop-  Er.  What?  Okay, um, that’s a strange one.  My suggestion is, if you have a bad bike, you try not to think of it as a bad bike.  Maybe it’s just having a bad day.  Try giving it a time out and then talking to it about its behavior.

Oh, and you might want to oil it.
And speak nicely to it.
5 finger star
Oh, sorry, that is what my first girlfriend called me.

Download hot coffee uncensored gta san andreas
Not again!  Look, I’m going to ban any more-

Funny birthday thoughts
No, I’m banning any more repetitive search-

Gta san andras hot coffe
Aieee!  I said, I’m banning any more repetitive search-

Hot dirty girl
I AM BANNING ANY… Oh.  Hey, there.  How you doin’?

“I can write funny” ai
Heart attacks strike people from every walk of life, of every age group.  There could be a ticking time bomb in your chest and you’d never know it until it was too late.  Obviously, someone was typing in a search term for my site, had a heart attack while typing, and just managed to type the first two letters of “aieeeee!” before expiring.  Rest in peace, ai guy.  My heart goes out to your family.

Oh!  Sorry, was that tasteless of me?

create v in with middle fingers
No, that’s what my first girlfriend…  No, wait, that doesn't make any sense, does it?  Never mind.

Bike crash pant’09
Oh, man.  Some guy must have been biking, crashed into a computer store, gasped for breath and then collapsed, dead, face first on to one of the keyboards.

It could happen!  Can you think of a better explanation for this group of search terms?
Or maybe he had one of these.
Dirty jokes
A man fell into a mud puddle.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Funny dirty jokes
Funny jokes?  Man, did you get the wrong site.

Gta san andreas hot
No.

Ga san andreas hot café
No!
 
Gta san andreas porno
I said NO!
 
How to draw tron letters
Dear Tron,
I’ve wanted to be a professional artist for many years now, but I’m terrible.  What do you suggest I do?
Broken Pencil in Miami

Dear Broken,
It’s never too late to work on your foundational skills.  Stop in at some free sketching classes at the local college!  And DOWN WITH THE MCP!
Tron
This poor kid thought she got a letter from Tron, but look closely.  It's from some guy named "Mort."
Pee on yourself
Who told you about that?!

Boylovers
You might want to hang out with “hot dirty girl” over there.  I’d bet the two of you would have a lot in common.

can birds explode
No.  I mean, okay, anything can explode if you put a bomb on it, but not with dried rice.  Otherwise, I’d expect you’d see exploding birds everywhere.  Ew.
Explains a few things, though.
can you pee while skydiving
My instructor said people pee and vomit on their first time.  That’s why he doesn’t do tandem jumps anymore.  I never tried it.  I have trouble just peeing outside of a bathroom.  I’m working on it, though.  I’m practicing peeing in the woods, the ocean, the pool, and on my neighbor’s car.

fingers like a star
Wait, are my exes looking me up or something?  This is like stalking…  Only sexier.

I found mold on a cake from safeway
What did you expect?  CAKE?!
"But I got it for free on Timmy's first birthday!"
google funny babies
Is that what the Tom Baker Dr. Who used to eat all the time?  Oh, no, those were Jelly Babies.  Google Funny Babies are the low-performing employees of companies Google acquired.  They cook them at their corporate restaurant and serve them to the good employees.

gta 5 hot coffee
Oh, stop.

gta san andrea hot coffee
No, SERIOUSLY.  STOP.

Hot coffee patch for gta san andreas
WHERE IS THE FRIGGIN’ OFF SWITCH ON THIS THI-

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