Mass Effect 2 is a science fiction shooter game. It’s called science fiction because magic is called “biotics,” monsters are called “aliens,” and weapons are called “guns.” It’s science fiction because you fly from planet to planet, and watch space battles happen (you can’t take part in any of them, just watch). It’s called a shooter because the only action in the game is when you run from something to hide behind to another thing to hide behind, and then shoot people.
|"We're so lucky we got into a firefight at the skate park!"|
|If you select option 1, she sleeps with you. Option 2 or 3, she doesn't. JUST LIKE REAL LIFE.|
|"No, Commander, we both find you completely attractive."|
|"I find your lack of lips attractive."|
|It's almost like they were real women...|
Well, I did what I always do when perplexed about sexual matters, I got on the internet. Six hours of research later, I found out you could have sex with the tattooed woman, keep your relationship with the masked alien, break up with her, and start things with your secretary!
And, just like in real life, if you can't choose, both women visit you in your bedroom!
Mass Effect 2 was the greatest game ever.
And then my crew and my secretary got kidnapped by aliens. You can go rescue them immediately, but I figured that would end the game, and I wasn’t finished, so I didn’t. When I finally did go to save her, I got there just in time to watch her being ground up into a grey paste. I was devastated. I really liked her. I mean, she flirted with me! That never happens in real life. As nice as the my masked alien girlfriend was and sex with the half-naked, bald, tattooed woman was, I was unable to sleep that night. I was really upset.
|I just liked the way she collated, okay?!|
So, I went back to an old save and played it again. And again. And again. Finally, I managed to save her. You know what I got for that?
Totally worth it.